18 Months

tomorrow will be the first weekday in 18 months that that I do not take pills. I’ve been waiting for this day to come, and after a year and a half it’s here, and I don’t know what to do with myself. 

As strange as it might sound, and as much as I don’t want to go back to it, it’s still been such a steady part of my life that it’s a strange feeling to not have to deal with it anymore. 

I’ve generally been one to avoid pills. If I had a headache I would lie down, or drink some water. Before I went into the hospital, I was taking Cipro, every 12 hours. That was the beginning of pill scheduling, I’d do it at 9am and 9pm. The smell of the pills started to wear at me, and I was counting down the days that the 2 week supply would be gone, and I would be better. When I didn’t get better the first time, and the doctor wanted me to do another round, I was grumbling… Two more weeks of these damned pills. But I went through it. 

When I went into the hospital, I wasn’t really conscious of how many pills I was taking, or why they wanted me to take them. The only pill I wanted to avoid was ibuprofen, because it make me sweat buckets. After about 10 days in, when I was taking 16 pills a day, it started to get on my nerves, and I decided that I did not like taking pills. Still, it was part of the time I was to be in the hospital, though I didn’t know how long I was going to be there.

 After a couple months, it was such a routine thing, 16-20 pills every day, I didn’t even think about it. Sometimes I’d take them with water. Sometimes a banana. Apple sauce. Yogurt. Sometimes I could take them quickly. Other times it took longer. My day was planned around the pills. Had to take them on an empty stomach. Had to sit still for about an hour afterwards for my gut to settle. After 3 months I started to have a different situation. My body was rejecting the pills. The aversion showed me how strong the mind and the body work together. Each day I would be feeling sick before the pills even came. I was hoping that there would be something in the system that said “No pills for Brown today.” I was jealous when I saw that other people in the RCU didn’t have to take pills each day. Eventually the pills started to come back up as soon as I swallowed them. The solution to that? More pills. 

Pills to help nausea. Pills for indigestion. Pills for hypertension. Pills for blood sugar. Pills to move your digestion faster. Pills to calm the nerves. I remember looking at the table one day with 27 pills in front of me and wanting to give up. 

The first time I left the hospital, on March 20, I transitioned to the Dept of Health. I was still to take pills until November 20, 2014. The good news was that the DOH only had the pills during the week, which meant 2 days of relief. Then headaches and speech problems put me back in the hospital. Tuburculosis caused lesions in my head were causing swelling. 

I got out of the hospital and I was taking steroids daily, with TB drugs. I finished the steroid doses, and was back to just weekday pills. 

Then I was back in the hospital. Again.

Then I was getting brain surgery.

Post-surgery, I was back on steroids. Still on TB drugs. And now adding pills to keep from having seizures. That November 20th day was extended; I was to take TB drugs for 18 months instead of 12. 

Taking the pills got easier over time. They said it would. The nausea and vomiting stopped. I was eventually able to take the doses on my own. Still, it was always a part of the day. And now it’s been 18 months, and it’s done. 

Every day is a gift, being able to take pills and for a year and a half. Having people looking out to make sure that you’re ok, checking your blood, your feelings, and making sure that you are getting better, that’s something that I want to always remember and appreciate, because it could have gone so many other ways. It’s my plan to stay in touch with the people that have come into my life and made a difference. It’s my plan to continue to make a positive difference in the lives of others. It’s my plan to give my liver a rest. Thank you.

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