Son of Obituary

Someone asked me how I came up with my bio. It’s gone through plenty of phases. A bio can sometimes come across as a resume. I remember my first resume was a catalog of the jobs that I’ve held. Then I learned to make a functional resume. Then I learned that it doesn’t all have to fit on one page. My bio has gone through the same phases. Then one day I threw it all out and started at the end. I wrote my eulogy, and then worked my way backwards. It helped to put things in perspective. In the long run, what you did is much less important than why you did it, and when you started taking steps to make the world a better place, even when it didn’t mean making your own life better.

Once I finished the eulogy, I was able to back it out to the things that I haven’t done yet, and wouldn’t you know it. I had a bio.

So here’s the process that got me there. The “why” of it all.

I have a thing for movies. I mean..a real thing. I am kinda obsessive about movies. I memorize lines, look at movie trivia, imdb stays active on my phone. Because of this there are two quotes that struck me when I came across them during a film. The first is about having two birthdays. the day we are born, and the day we find out why. That hit me so hard because so many of us live, act, breathe in a passive way. We are here because we woke up. We’re on the bus because that’s the bus that came when we were at the stop. We take a job because that’s what was available to us when we needed a job. We date because someone was available and showed enough interest in us. What I see is that passive nature of getting out of bed each day because…well…because that’s what we’ve always done, lends itself to marking time with wrinkles and regrets. It starts with wondering if we could have done something else and ends with wondering why the heck we didn’t do it?

My birthday is November 20, 1976. I did nothing to make that my birthday. I don’t remember the day. I don’t know what the weather was like. I was born because…because that’s the life cycle.

When I ended up in the hospital, it was a result of passivity. I got sick, figured I would get better, and when I didn’t get better I half-heartedly asked around if anyone knew what was wrong with me, waiting for someone to come along and say “Oh, you just need to take this pill, get this shot, and you will be back up and running in 2 weeks.”

That passive approach to life, put me at death’s door. I was so close to punching out, and I didn’t even know it. Not until the doctors told me that they had good news – I was going to live. That was a hit-and-a-half for my ass. When the good news is “You aren’t about to die… this week”, you gain a certain perspective.

My view on the world changed from getting out of bed because I was awake,  to getting out of bed because I have something I needed to do. I found something that is more important than making money to pay bills. Something that’s greater than getting a new suit, or traveling to a new place.  That’s the second birthday. That’s the day you find out why you were born. Funny thing, for me this also happened on November 20th. It was just 37 years later.

On this day I began to look at the world and think “Is there something that I can do, and maybe ONLY I can do, that can make a difference?”

I became a vessel for the change that I wanted to see in the world. I spent each day in the hospital visiting the other patients, finding out what there lives were like. Talking with them, listening with them, sharing what I had with them. I gave away almost all of my clothes, shoes, gifts. Not because I wanted to be the charity guy. Because I realized that having 6 pairs of shoes is cool if I need them. But when the guy next to me was wearing socks and had no shoes? What I had was only important in what it could do. And sitting in my closet it wasn’t doing anything at all.

After 4 months, I was released from the hospital, and I knew that I wanted this approach to life to continue. As long as I was drawing breath on this planet, I wanted to make each day matter towards something that was bigger than me. That’s when I started to think of what the possibilities were if I had my way for the rest of my life.  What do I want to leave behind? Where did my life make a difference in the lives of others? What can I do now, that will make the world a better place 50 years from now?

That’s what took me to the second quote about dying twice. The first time is when your body quits. The second time when your name is spoken for the last time. It takes me back to the passive vs active approach to life. One of those deaths is inevitable, just as the first birthday is inevitable. You didn’t do anything to earn it. If you are alive, then you will be dead. But the active nature of the second date is what we can focus on. What we can do when we get out of bed. What we can dream of and work towards because it’s what’s going to make the difference.

That’s what sparked me to write the eulogy that I would love to have read for me. It’s the life I want to record, and what I want to do with what I have. It’s the story of how I used my influence to change the world. It’s about me, but only as a decision maker, the driver of something bigger than me.

It’s the reason now to get excited when my eyes open in the morning. It’s a reason to make the money. So I can roll around naked in $100 bills, then put it in the bank and start a foundation that will help someone that I don’t even know.

I want people to remember my grandfather. I want the memory of my brother to always be on the forefront. I want them to know what my stepfather lived for. I want to bring people together, to knock down the limitations, the frustrations that so many encounter. I want a kid born 50 years from now to be able to have a better life because of something I did today.

This is the way I spend my thinking time. This is what matters to me.

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